So, if some family members start whispering things like, "What are we going to do with Mum and Dad?" here are my suggestions for a good outcome.

The first step is to start a conversation, which may well be the hardest part. After all, who wants to rock the boat on Christmas Day? Yet encouraging aged parents to get home care, or to make a move sooner rather than later will almost certainly be in their best interests. If you can, a good way to start is to share some stories of acquaintances in the family network who have made a successful transition.

The direction of the conversation will depend on the state of their health. If they are rattling around in a big old home and the maintenance is getting them down, a good option may be to talk about a move to a retirement village or land lease community. If they love living at home, but need support to stay there, care at home is probably the least frightening way to start the discussion.

The most important factors for a long, healthy life are a good social network, regular exercise and good nutrition, so keep your focus on these aspects.

If downsizing seems like a good idea, taking a tour of suitable facilities, joining in an activity or attending an open day are all good ways to get the ball rolling. Alternatively, do some forward planning and give them a Christmas gift of the book Downsizing Made Simple, written by aged care specialist Rachel Lane and myself, and released last month. It explains all the options in great detail.

If your parents are at the stage where care may soon become a necessity, the first step must be to get an Aged Care Assessment Team (ACAT) assessment. You can't access a home care package, respite care, or a move to an aged care facility without one, even if you are paying your own way. The ACAT assessment is an easy process, which costs nothing, but the delay between asking and receiving is usually measured in months, rather than weeks. If your parents are already receiving some care, but need more, you could also suggest taking a break. Respite in an aged care facility can give everyone a much-needed break. It is also a great way to "try before you buy".

Whether staying at home or moving, there's a range of home care services to help people remain independent, including the Commonwealth Home Support Programme, home care packages, DVA services and private care services.

There are many issues to explore. Australians have a wonderful array of choices, and a great deal of government support available, but the price of all this choice is complexity. For example, be extremely wary of leaping into a granny flat arrangement - often perceived as an easy option. Often we hear about families who sold Mum's home to build a granny flat at the home of one of the siblings, in return for their promise to take care of Mum for the rest of her life. The other siblings often feel that their inheritance has been stolen, and the situation for the carer child often becomes difficult when they divorce, become ill, want to travel or when Mum becomes too frail for home care.

Other areas to examine include the effect on the age pension of any change of residence, how you can plan ahead to minimise costs of aged care if needed, and the best financial arrangements to minimise costs and maximise effectiveness in your situation. This is just too hard to do on your own. I strongly recommend you seek advice from a retirement living and aged care specialist to ensure you understand the choices available, and the strategies that can make moving - or staying at home - affordable.