I almost realised what it must have been like to be Charlie Bucket walking into Mr Wonka's chocolate factory on a visit to the tip (sorry, the waste management facility) last year.
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To one side of what we fondly call "the tip shop", where myself and a friend go on "tip dates", we found a wonderland of forgotten sports equipment.
Dinosaurs of fads past loomed at us as we entered the zone - the frameworks of all-in-one magic fitness centres, the sad remnants of swinging walkers, the painful-looking bare stumps of exercise bikes where saddles once bore their riders to fat-less glory.
Or maybe not. As amazing as this place was - and we spent some time sampling its blissfully workplace health and safety-free delights - there was a clandestine feeling of guilt that hung about the equipment.
Once, each of these ab-exercisers had been a gift or misguided ticket to a new life. They had been used twice, then shoved under a bed to ensure they did not remind the owner of promises never kept.
I was reminded of the tip “gym” on a trip to buy rollerskates for Christmas. This request had not been met with smiles by the child’s father and myself. We were, at the time, looking balefully out at the leaf-ridden trampoline that was last year’s present.
It seems sporting stores do a roaring trade at Christmas time. With our heads full of thoughts of holidays, and our hearts full of dreams of an impossibly thinner and fitter self, we arm ourselves and our loved ones with boxing gloves, Fitbits and other specialised sporting gadgets.
For those who can’t quite bring themselves to invest in a full-on home gym, there is always a set of handweights or a cap with a sporting logo. We can at least look like we might have cared once.
How many of us will use these items past February? How many will join the waste management wasteland?
I’m aware this sounds cynical, but I’ve seen the graveyard. I know how it ends.
So this year, before you buy that full-on gym membership with all the bells and whistles, remember that you need more commitment than simply buying the gear. A season pass to the tip might be cheaper.
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