She was born a tiny but ferocious spark on July 19, 1994.
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She weighed barely more than the breath of wind that swept the balloons into the sky 21 years later as her family and friends said goodbye.
The short but memorable life of Maddison Lee Smith ended last month when she lost her battle with problems that plagued her for years.
A police and community search for the 21-year-old on March 17 and 18 this year ended in heartbreak for Maddie’s parents Barry and Vicki Smith when she was found to have ended her life.
Maddie’s battle has prompted a determined effort by the community and her family to raise awareness of depression and anxiety. Vicki told the Namoi Valley Independent Maddie’s story to help other people who might be in a similar situation, and to pay tribute to Maddie’s life.
Website pages have been dedicated to Maddie to raise money for beyondblue, and Mpowered Health and Wellness, where Maddie spent many hours, will hold a beyondblue day on Wednesday, April 20.
“We have got to try and stop this,” Maddie’s mum Vicki says.
Maddie was the “selfie queen”, a lover of shocking hair colours and “as game as Ned Kelly”.
She made a dramatic entrance into the world 12 weeks early, a much-loved thistledown of a baby weighing only two pounds, 12 ounces (1247 grams). By day five, she had lost 10 precious ounces and was down to just 963 grams.
“It was the fight of her life,” Vicki says.
“She fought to be here.”
She won it. After several weeks, she was ready to go home with parents who were freshly trained in CPR and first aid.
Maddie was expected to be a little tardy in reaching those early milestones, but that was not the case. Vicki says there was no way Maddie was going to get left behind.
She was a determined little girl who loved primary school at Gunnedah South and was thrilled to become a big sister at the age of five to Gabrielle.
It was the beginning of a great partnership between the sisters.
Maddie threw herself with enthusiasm into a number of sports – little athletics, netball, teeball, but it wasn’t until she discovered her love for writing that she announced her goal to become a journalist.
At 12 years of age she was diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa – or RP – a degenerative eye disease that gave her tunnel vision. She had only 20 per cent night vision and would never be able to drive.
Vicki says Maddie decided that was the end of her dream to be a journalist.
Instead, she took to poetry, taking the pen name of Andie J. Maddison and forever writing things down, even on a coaster if nothing else was handy.
She packaged her feelings in a collection of accomplished poems which she self-published. The book was dedicated “to my Mum, for always encouraging me”.
“When she focussed on something, she gave it 110 per cent,” Vicki says. Later, when exercise was her passion, she would run until she needed shin splints.
Her high school years started well at St Mary’s College, but in Year 9, Vicki says she “started to withdraw into herself”.
“She was gay,” Vicki says.
“We always knew she was gay and we told her that was ok, we love you and that is just who you are, but a couple of girls were giving her a hard time.”
Barry and Vicki took Maddie out of high school and she began distance education through Camden Haven High School.
Vicki says Maddie was very regimented in her approach to school, and she never had to remind her about work. It was always done. She continued to excel in her schoolwork.
When she turned 17, Maddie decided she didn’t need school any more, and it was only with the encouragement of her teachers and family that she finished her subjects.
It was then she found fitness.
Maddie became a regular at Mpowered Health and Wellness and went all out to convince Mpowered’s Michelle Bruyn that she should give her a job.
She gained her Certificate 3 in fitness, completed a first aid course and even completed a Diploma in Psychology in 2014.
Maddie got the whole family caught up in health and fitness, introducing them to clean eating.
She became an inspiration to Mpowered clients and was often seen among them in her fluoro runners and colourful workout gear.
She also loved music, and the family saw Lady Gaga, Pink, Katy Perry and One Direction in concert, on one memorable occasion ending up with tickets in the mosh pit with her dad.
But Vicki says excessive exercise took its toll.
“She burnt herself out,” she says.
“We tried everything, absolutely everything.”
She was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, and for a person who loved exercise, it was a savage blow.
“She was convinced she wasn’t going to get better,” Vicki says.
“She had got that into her head.”
Maddie went from a person in excellent shape on a healthy diet, to one who ate next to nothing, started to drop her counselling sessions, lived in her pyjamas and “shuffled around like a little old lady”. She lost a drastic amount of weight.
On February 2 this year, she collapsed in the shower and was taken to hospital where she was diagnosed with an eating disorder and depression.
She weighed only about 39kg.
Vicki took time off work to be at home with Maddie and said she could not have been prouder about her daughter’s determination to get well. She was eating, going to counselling and helping her sister Gabby out with her homework.
“You could see the difference,” Vicki says.
“Her skin was bright, her eyes were shining, she was bantering with us. Our Maddie was back.”
Vicki spent weeks with Maddie, building up her health and her confidence. On the day she went back to work, Maddie planned to make Easter cards. She had on St Patrick’s Day gear including a fluoro green cap and was going to have her photo taken with Gabby when she got home from school.
“She had her cap on sideways and I said, by golly you’re a ratbag, look at you,” Vicki remembers.
“I said as soon as I get home, we’ll take a photo. I hugged her and kissed her and said see you at three o’clock.
“It was the last time I saw her, and she had the biggest smile.”
Vicki tried to call her, without success, in the middle of the day, and said the rest of the shift were some of the longest hours of her life as she worried about why Maddie had not answered the phone.
She was missing when Vicki got home that afternoon. She was found the following evening after a high-profile community search.
Maddie’s service included a reading of her poem “Blank Canvas”, rainbow balloons and a rainbow cake.
Vicki says she has been overwhelmed by the community support. She is immensely proud of both her daughters and wants people to know the Maddie the family knew.
Mpowered’s Michelle Bruyn said Mpowered in Bloomfield Street will host a Beyondblue Bash in honour of Maddie to help others with depression on April 20 during its opening hours of 7-11am and 3.30-6pm
People who knew Maddie and those who would just like to support the cause, are asked to wear blue and come along to join in the blue decor and blue foods.
“Maddie was an important part of our centre and we will all miss her beautiful smiley face that lit up any room she walked into,” Michelle says.
Michelle is also looking at setting up a scholarship in honour of Maddie to allow one or more young woman to have a free gym membership for a year, as well as access to health and nutrtition and mental health support as needed.
“I know Maddie would be so excited and overjoyed by this that I absolutely have to do it,” Michelle said.
Yoga teacher Zoe Swain will also donate the proceeds from her yin yoga class on that evening at 5.30pm at Mpowered.
Beyondblue is available for immediate support on 1300 22 4636.
Blank Canvas
A poem by Maddison Lee Smith, who wrote under the name Andie J. Maddison.
Take this blank canvas in which I see,
Transform it into a painting that brings glee.
Transform me.
Change back and forth and back again
Then, let it be.
There’s a colourful painting that I see,
Now it brings joy to everyone – including me.
So take your blank canvas, add colour,
When it is complete, let it be.
Now it is time.
Transform me.
beyondblue memoriam for Maddie
A beyondblue in memoriam page for Maddie – beyondblueinmemoriam.everydayhero.com/au/never-again-in-honour-in-maddie-smith – has already raised more than $1000.
Mpowered’s Beyondblue bash will be held on April 20 between 7 and 11am and 3.30-6pm at Mpowered in Bloomfield Street. Mpowered also has a Beyondblue fundraising page https://beyondbluebashworkplaces.everydayhero.com/au/mpowered
Mpowered inquiries to Michelle Bruyn on 0428 420 932.