Introducing yourself to a new mothers’ group is always a daunting process.
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After recently moving to NSW from Queensland, we were in search of new friends. Facebook page “Gunnedah Mums” – where better to start? A meeting in town with a small group of mums, what could possibly go wrong?
So off I trot, daughters two, three and four in tow. Upon arrival at the park I of course have no idea who is a member of this group, so hang about until hopefully someone asks. But aha, a Facebook profile picture face arrives and over I go, cracking the old one-liners to break the ice (this is a terrible nervous habit of mine, often leading to bemused looks from those on the receiving end!)
We were at the park for a total of about an hour, during which time I subjected these poor women to a clear demonstration of fantastic mothering skills, nurturing and understanding my children, showing them how three well-behaved, well-mannered young ladies should behave – not at all!
We begin by daughter two bolting at full pace across the other side of the playing field, taking with her a little boy from this mothers’ group. Up leapt his mother, sprinting after her innocent little man and my daughter.
I, of course, remain stationary with a calm exterior knowing that my daughter would shortly return thus giving me time to defuse the bomb inside!
Once all parties had been retrieved, I attempt to sit and make polite conversation with these lovely new women who ARE going to be my friends. At this point I look around realising I am probably old enough to have given birth to half of these mums!
As all mothers gasp at something happening behind me, that sinking “What has she done now” feeling fills my stomach.
Upon turning around, I discover the innocent little boy from daughter two’s breakaway 15 minutes previous, has scratches all down one side of his face and is endlessly spitting bark from his mouth.
Covered from head to toe in wood chip, daughter two had body-surfed him down the slide, sitting on his back while holding his arms to support herself, therefore giving him nothing but his face to land on.
Daughter two tries to assure me that he asked her to do it, and it was fun!
Next after changing daughter three’s (one twin) nappy well away from the group, I rejoin and try to join in the conversation as daughter four (other twin) declares “poo!” – off we go again.
At this point, daughter two needs to use the toilet, so public loos here we come. While she is using the toilet and with me helping her, the twins bolt out into the open public area, onto the streets of Gunnedah with just each other for support, oh joy.
Upon retrieval of twins and successful relief for daughter two, we try again to join the group.
My wonderful father-in-law arrives to save me from this crazy arse hour. As daughter two spots him across the park, she gallantly goes the direct route, shoving one mother out of the way and leaping over the head of a small baby lying on a mat.
It was one of those slow motion moves where it felt like I was yelling “Nooooooo” for a whole minute, as she then returned to do the same.
At this point it was time to say goodbye. A relief for both myself and I am sure the mothers from my new group of friends (as if!). Daughter two has now taken my phone from my bag and at full volume has found a wonderful selection of tunes. “Yo Yo derogatory name for your Mother” is rapped over and over again.
Naturally I can’t find the volume or off button and so have to wait until the whole phone shuts down.
I will say that although attending a new mothers’ group is certainly out of anyones “comfort zone”, some of my now life-long friends to be and best friends I met through groups such as this.
Kate Oram is the Gunnedah author of the blog http://fourlittlegirlsandforty.wordpress.com